Stimulus Response

While taking a walk with James, and our friend Jason, it dawned on me that maybe I can start to extinguish my fear of spiders (or really anything) by being conscious of my physical reaction to it.  And then choosing to do something about it.  Currently, my reaction looks something like this:

• A spider is detected
• Shivers run down my spine 
• Shivers extends into my limbs
• Reactive thoughts then occur like "gross, AHHHH..."
• Cycle repeats when thinking about the incident

With my new method I'm trying something like this:

• A spider is detected
• I start to feel shivers
• I stop the shivers and attempt to keep looking at the spider while controlling my physical response (and sometimes I try to think of something I like while looking at the spider...yay bunnies!)
• Thoughts then occur like "ok, it's still gross" but it's more like an observation than a reaction (I'd like to get to a place where I'm more neutral than "it's still gross" but it's a work in progress).
• I also notice that I don't tend to perseverate on the spider after that.

 James and I found a while back that if we were both getting bogged down by something tough to talk about we'd tend to find ourselves moving into a fetal position.  We've both found that when we call each other on this and then work to getting out of the position (standing right up, taking a walk, etc.) that it helps to change the mood dramatically.  So, why not do this with spiders too ;).

This all seems pretty obvious from when I was learning about extinguishing fears in psych class however I don't recall much attention being placed on consciously lessening the physical response.  Yay mindfulness!

~Danielle

Mind the Gap

I just finished reading Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and found some of the distinctions in the book to be very powerful and insightful.  Like many books on development, I found it a bit repetitive, however, here are the gems for me:

Clock Time vs. Psychological Time

• Clock Time = Now in physical space and in real time requests/actions.
• Psychological Time = In the future/past.  Generally manifests as worry/anxiety for me.

I found this distinction very helpful in catching myself spending a lot of time worrying about something rather than doing something about it.

Situations vs. Problems

• Situations = Now.  Choice is to accept or take action.
• Problems = In the mind, usually bound to psychological time.

One point being made was that situations do occur that are not pleasant for us.  Life does happen, we step on bees, feel pain, etc.  And, we have the choice to work with situations and/or make them into problems.  I could take action on having stepped on a bee and be done with it.  Or, I could unconsciously build up that moment into a fear for the future and start spinning out of control whenever I see a bee.  The problem occurs when one's mind starts spinning without consciousness (defined as being able to step into the gap and watch the mind's talk). 

Reactions are your test of being/consciousness:

You will be taken over by a reaction, which ultimately is always some form of fear, and pulled into deep unconsciousness.  Those challenges are your tests.  Only the way in which you deal with them will show you and others where you are at as far as your state of consciousness is concerned, not how long you can sit with your eyes closes or what visions you see.

...Once a mind pattern, an emotion, or a reaction is there, accept it. You were not conscious enough to have a choice in the matter.

This isn't saying that you're not responsible for your reactions. In that particular moment you could not step into the gap, or even perceive that you could.  Oops...welcome to being human.

It's like walking down the street and stepping into a divot in the sidewalk.  Had you seen it, you would have chosen differently.  But you didn't.  You can accept what happened and in that acceptance get present to those divots (to hopefully mind the gap next time), or you can get in resistance about it and have guilt, "shoulds,"  and probably some blame to spice up the mix.

I'd love to hear about your practice for minding the gap and how, when you don't, you care for those divots.

Caterpillars to Butterflies

Philosophia by Guggenheim Grotto
When we’re young we set our hearts upon some beautiful idea
Maybe something from a holy book or French philosophia
Upon the thoughts of better men than us we swear by and decree a
Perfect way to end the war of ways the only way to be a...

Work of art, oh to be a work of art

But in time a thought comes tugging on the sleeve edge of our minds
Perhaps no perfect way exists at all, just many different kinds
Oh but if it’s just a thing of taste then everything unwinds
For without an absolute how can the absolute define...

A work of art, oh to be a work of art

~~~

Being a work of art, this is what I set out to do through self awareness and transformation.

Transformation, defined through my own terms, is the act of a butterfly. Starting as a caterpillar, life is wonderful and good. It's fairly clear that my form is set; I'm long with many legs, with some playful variation in texture. One day, I'm drawn to make a chrysalis in which I will transform myself into a butterfly. What I will come out as is unknown to myself, but the result will be that of my creation.

I'm not content to take just one form. So, I choose to put myself into the chrysalis state as much as I can. Pushing myself to go there, so that I may create a new being in every moment.

Last weekend I put myself into this chrysalis state by participating in the Landmark Advanced Course. Through this work, I saw that my usual state of being is one in which I do not trust people and that I tend to "do life" by myself. There's nothing wrong with this state, in fact it has served me quite well. I'm an independent business gal, living a very successful and happy life. The butterfly in me, however, is interested in going further...being truly awake in all of my choices.

Now that my eyes have been opened to this usual state, I am free to create something new if I choose. Before, I wasn't aware that a choice existed. This journal will serve to reflect upon the choices I have made with my new pair of self-awareness spectacles.

The possibility of this journal is one of inspiration, intimacy, and generosity to the world around me.

Enjoy the adventure.